Stepping into the unknown

If we were to imagine a Break-up as a homicide of something that is (or could be/ could have been) love, I reckon that among the suspects on the list we could find Jealousy, Betrayal, Misunderstandings, Character Difference ... However, if that list was mine, in almost all of the cases, the main suspect would be my construct of a Fairy Tale vs. No relationship at all. 
Like in Jessie J's song, "when I am nervous, I have this thing, I talk too much...", I say all different kinds of  things that scare people away, although my only goal in those conversations I so obsessively insist on, is to be honest, to communicate, to be open and to clarify to myself what other person is thinking in order to prevent further misunderstandings. It surprises me repeatedly  how I, in so many occasions, despite being a future psychologist who talks so much about problems of emotional stability and about being mature enough to endure the difficulties and struggles, go back on my own words and act like a 15-year-old. I don't articulate my thoughts properly, I burst into tears whenever I stumble upon something that might be hard to say. And then I go excusing myself for being emotional, which makes me even more vulnerable. And then I just look plain stupid and childish. I can teach and preach about assertive behavior for hours if you need me to, I can demonstrate it perfectly anytime... except when I really need to be assertive and communicate without ...you know, losing it. :)

But, I am who I am. Goofy and silly. Overly emotional. Many times hurt. With bunch of bruises which you might not see.
Previous relationships affect us, no matter how much we tend to forget about them. They make us more or less tolerant, more prone to reacting negatively, more open or more introverted... they affect us on multiple basis. 

Being a future psychologist isn't helpful. Quite the opposite. We are often pulled into a trap of interpreting what is not even symbolical. We attach meanings to what is meaningless. And then we look like psychos. :) But what I have learned is that it is important to step up and fight for your own feelings. I have learned the tough way that you need to sometimes put yourself first and say what's bothering you before exhausting all of your energy supply. Having experience isn't helpful either. Nobody should endure the consequences of our previous mistakes. We should train ourselves to treat each person with which we are in a relationship as if we were in a relationship for the first time ever. Like we are falling in love for the first time ever. Like we have never been hurt before. We should train ourselves to approach to that person with undivided attention. We should enter every relationship all patched up and healed. That's how it should be.

Getting into a new relationship means giving yourself a permission to feel again. 

I wish there was some kind of insurance policy when stepping into the strange jungle of what might become love. I wish we could go surfing in the unknown, just enjoying the waves, the breeze, the sun, the thrill, without worrying whether some big evil shark will suddenly show itself beneath us... But all I can do is wish, because the whole point of being able to step bravely into the unfamiliar is to accept the fact that being scared is okay, that being vulnerable is okay... That putting your guard down is okay.
We just need to be emotionally mature to know when is the time to do it.
You'll never know what will happen next. Don't be afraid to step into the unknown.

 No regrets.